I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
