I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
