I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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