So drunk its hurt
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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