so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
