which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
