I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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