Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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