Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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