your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im six kinds of drunk right now
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
