He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
