can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
