moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
