Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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