Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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