You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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