Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dick very happy bro
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
