Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
