After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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