found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
