Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
