My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
