I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
