Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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