So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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