Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
