arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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