it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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