Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
