we're chasing vodka with high fives
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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