Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
