those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
