One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
