its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
