it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
