Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
