My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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