He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
