She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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