Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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