Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
