I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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