I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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