Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Mom said you looked used
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
