what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
