So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
