You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
