Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
