I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
