Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
