Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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