idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
