thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
