it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
